Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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