i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
