so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
