i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
