wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
farters have to be the big spoon...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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