I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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