i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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