You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
