i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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