I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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