i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
