I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
