My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
