is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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