how can u be prego again
another moral hangover. fuck.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
