His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
