You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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