I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
