I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
