Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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