I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
