did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
