i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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