we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
