There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
