I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
