Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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