When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
