You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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