Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
