it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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