Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
