Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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