Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
