i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
