His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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