made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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