I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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