u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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