i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
