Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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