Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we should paint friendship bongs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
