I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
