i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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