You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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