just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
