No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
