Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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