I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
