Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I just sharted jello shots
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
