So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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