im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
