You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
