If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
