I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
